More rambles

Cuz I am bored and I am taking it all out on ya'll who read my blog, bwhahaha!!!
Anyway, so I wanted to thank those of you who blog along with me. I think that now when we actually have to look for support groups, I swear that no one would become worried about us if we never left the house. I know this because I didn't leave the house for like a year after Natalie was born, had ppd and no one ever even knew. Anyway, it helps a whole lot to read about other mommies who go through the same thing. Our happy moments become happy for all of us, we give virtual hugs when times are rough, just knowing that someone is out there sharing our joy and sadness helps.
And something to give ya'll a laugh. So yesterday I was folding laundry in my room. The girls were in their room playing basketball, they have a thing that hangs over their door. Is there any surprise that Natalie is really good? Anyway, so they have crowns, they have princes costumes, not disney, nice looking renaissancey ones, with crowns. I told Layla that she needs to wait till Halloween to wear hers, they need to be put up. She came over and told me"We are shutting our door!!! You cannot open it! Natalie is going to put my crown on me and you can't see it! Because you would tell me to take it off. So don't open our door, so you won't know that I am wearing it!" Seriously she said all that in a bossy little screech. it was all I had to not burst out laughing. Oh, do I tell her that even if I can't see her, i know what she is doing if she tells me? Or do I hope that she keeps doing this and i get the inside scoop on everything? She didn't believe that I would know because she was telling me. Layla seems to be having a slight problem with knowing what she is actually saying and what she is just thinking. I catch her often just talking to no one. Of course it helps me a lot in knowing what is going on. I am not sure if it developmental or what since Natalie didn't have even close to the same vocabulary.
Please excuse typos as I am left handed typing while nursing while Gwen kicks my arm.

Da Da Da De, rambling thoughts...

But I have to put pictures with the thoughts, right? Just looking at my bean pole Natalie, gosh she is tall!!! The second picture, scary, but Layla's look, she looks so much like my sister Heather. Has the fiery temper that is for sure:)

And no one can make a baby laugh as much as a grandpa. Okay, maybe they can, but I am surprised Gwen didn't pee on him, lol.

Now that I got the whole picture thing out of the way, on to some rambling...you can stop here if you want. I have just been thinking about a lot of things lately, insomnia and a cold will do that to you. One thing was that while we were getting our house painted the painter said something to me the last day he was here. He said something about not realizing how busy a stay at home mom could be. The thing is, I was taking it easy as we just found out that we may not be moving. I was just playing with the kids, fixing meals and to be honest, taking a break knitting. Seriously, taking it easy, considering the hell that I was going though the the previous weeks. But it got me to thinking that what we feel, as stay at home moms, as getting nothing done during the day isn't what other people see. Okay, some people do see that we do nothing. Other people who have actually seen what we do see that we are actually working all day long, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Our job doesn't stop, we get no vacations, no breaks. Of course, we don't really see it this way, and feel guilty for that hour of knitting we did instead of doing the dishes. How dare we, right? So something for those sahm to think about.
And breaking news, Gwen is saying dadadade, and some gagegage, and one that we swear sounds like hi and another that so sounds like Layla. Okay, we know not so possible, but it is really cute. I am really glad that she started saying dade before Jack went out to sea. That makes me happy.
Oh there was more. I have been reading and rereading some of John Holt's books. Really, everyone should be reading these books, especially, How Children Learn. Like as soon as your child hits one, these books should be read. It really has changed my thoughts on how we treat kids and lead to my wanting to unschool the girls. I just wish I had read them earlier. I kinda get off track every so often, start doubting my way of doing things with the girls and I can read those books and realize that to think of doing it any other way fills me with such guilt. I was looking through so see if there was anything that I could pick out and write here to give you an idea, and there is just too many pages that are marked:) But to summarize, he talks a lot about what children actually learn in school is strategies, to not learn. They learn how to read their teachers and just do just what is needed, how to talk around their teachers so that they will think they are giving the right answer. Why does this bug me so much? Because THIS is what I learned. I know it, we used to call it bullshitting. We were great at it, we thought we were so smart. I used to be the one writing messy so that the teacher would see what they wanted and grade my paper that way. Is this really what I want my kid to learn? I have heard some people say things like, do this and you can do this, what does that teach but to get the icky stuff out of the way, we pretty much are saying, hey this means nothing, but you gotta do it, and then the fun stuff, that is what matters. Makes me wonder what a difference our lives would be if we saw the value of everything we did. It has actually changed my whole thought process on rewards and such. How many times have I rewarded myself with some chore by doing something for myself? All I am doing is reinforcing the idea that the chore is meaningless and boring and to get through it I must have something at the end to reward me, oh god save me from my life cuz that is what my life is now, chores!!! That is, if that is the way I want to look at it. So slowly, I am trying to get away from the whole rewards thing. Yeah, this is long and I think I would actually like to write more, but Gwen is sleeping on me, the girls are reading books and I am going to knit until Gwen wakes up. Not as a reward, but because it is a quiet activity that I can do while she is sleeping before she wakes up and we make a game out of doing the dishes and folding laundry. We WILL HAVE FUN TODAY!!!

Jack's pinning, plus Jack

Yeah, I asked Jack that if for some reason I have to call the boat, who am I supposed to ask for now? MMC Walter? That just sounds weird. No, I guess I am supposed to ask for Chief Walter, which is almost as weird.

A cake, that we couldn't eat. You know, we could scootch off the blue and yellow icing, but then the wheat... but worst was the red filling, umm anything but red 40, ya know? But I want to save this picture always, a picture of Jack in uniform, smiling.

The girls ate noodles, I think it took me almost as long to clean up after them as it did for them to eat them.

Pinning did go alright though. We still don't know where, when or if we are going. But you know we have to try to stay positive. My mom is the one who took all these pictures. She caught a few of this rainbow, I swear the only one we have seen here. But this is a pretty special rainbow. We really did get to see both ends of it. It was really neat. Maybe a good omen? Jack will like his job? For at least the next two years? That would be great.

Jack's Pinning, minus Jack

But I think this picture makes up for it. I swear that is the same scowl Jack wears while wearing the hat. A little blurry, but the face, I mean the face...

But what I would give for Jack to come home from work with a smile like this. I love Layla's smile, it makes the whole day bright.

And Natalie's smile, well, Natalie seems to be almost always happy.

And Layla stole my flowers. Well, there were lillies in there, those are her flowers. The really cute picture didn't show up, sometimes blogger doesn't like me. These were actually really heavy flowers. Layla was carrying them thrown over her shoulder.

Natalie

So I like to not say things like, "I told you so", but today is a special occasion. When we moved here Natalie started going a little nuts. Maybe it was the stress of moving, maybe it was that our kitchen was torn apart and we were eating out a lot. I started reading on what could be causing my sweet little Natalie to act the way she was. I found this website, www.fiengold.org. I got a lot of crap for cutting out artifical colors and flavors and a few other things. When i said my babies couldn't eat apples I was looked at like I was nuts. Now that it has been awhile we have been able to have apples now and then, cherries however, still not. Anyway, I knew that it had made a difference in my family. I could feel the difference myself. So part of the problem was also that Natalie and I were both feeling a little hyperactive and I was not able to keep my patience with her. So you can only imagine how I feel when I see an article like this one, http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1659835,00.html Will it change things? Will things stop having to be neon red, yellow and orange? Could maybe we introduce REAL fruits and veggies into our food so the neon colors aren't so attractive to us? I am so hoping so because it would make my life much easier. Going to the store is a big pain when you need to read the labels on every little thing to see if it is something that your family can eat. And reading labels with three kids and trying to keep them all happy, oh yeah, lots of fun.
BUT that isn't the only thing today. Some of you know that my Natalie is also a bean pole. I would like if she could gain a little weight, it would just make me feel better. Where to start this story? After Gwen's birth she was just fussy enough for me to try and eliminate things out of my diet. I tried dairy, a common one, it didn't do anything. I also tried eggs and wheat. Well, Natalie gained weight at this time. I didn't put the two together, I thought maybe she had a growth spurt. I was also so completely stressed out that it was insane, I was cutting these things out when Jack was gone. It is hard enough to cook for three after a baby is born, but to do it with no help...So go forward a few months. I happened to weigh Natalie, she had lost the two pounds she had gained. I was crushed. She also had a few other problems. Her tonsils were huge, like almost touching. No fever, no nothing, just big tonsils. She was getting her third molars, maybe that was it? And then she starts complaining that her stomach hurts, like all the time. Not a kind of hurt that makes it so you can't move, just this constant hurt. I hated that, because I go through the same thing, and I swear it started when I was a little bit older. But yes, I have had stomach pain since I was about seven. And she started saying that she was tired all the time. My little bright flower was drooping. So I talked to my friend, who also happens to be an extrememly good chiropractor:), she reccomended we try to cut out wheat again. I thought that maybe it was one of the things that I had tried to cut out after Gwen was born, she told me that it sounded like wheat more than anything.
So not quite two weeks ago we cut out wheat and gluten. Umm, just try to do this for two weeks, it isn't fun or easy. Wheat is in everything. We have gotten a little creative in our meals. On day two of doing this we noticed that not only was Natalie finishing everything on her plate, she was asking for more. Then her tonsils, even though she is still getting her teeth, are almost to normal size. Her stomach doesn't hurt!!!! And get this, mine doesn't either. She has gained back those two pounds in less than two weeks. It makes me so extrememly happy, but also so sad. We will still test wheat at the end of our two weeks, but since we have not changed anything else about our diet I can't see what else it could be. I have had a few people say that it is the stress in our life right now. That isn't it, because if anything Natalie was the happiest of all of us to going to Hawaii again. And she is the one who ha cried the most over not going. We are actually under more stress right now than we were the past few months. If stress played a part in these things for her, it would be worse now, not better. I know that Jack is going to need that test though. I already see it though. But maybe it is best to test so we can see for sure that wheat is what was causing our Natalie to be sick. But all this makes me sad because one, I am going to miss a good french bread, and many other things. And two, something that I could have controlled for so long, I feel terrible that it took me so long to figure this one out.

Big and Little Layla

So Layla wanted to change Gwen's diaper for me. She got the snappi off successfully...

Got the diaper off, don't you love the look of surprise on Gwen's face?

But the had the same problem I have, getting the next diaper on Gwen. That is Layla saying "hey, Hey, hey, stop rolling over. I swear I remember it being much older that the girls started fighting me at diaper time. After a few attempts, Gwen did get over and started to crawl away. So Layla said"Oh she just wanted nakey butt time, so we don't need to put a diaper on her." I love my Layla. She seems so big to me sometimes and others so small. Right now she is sick and I spent a good half hour with her last night just me and her. me holding her and playing with her hair while she fell asleep. It was such a special time. I am really thankful that I get these times which each girl individually. I am thankful for Jack and his help and for each girl's patience. Well, not so much Gwen's but then she is a baby...which is why I am thankful for Jack. But the next picture down is my little Layla. We went to the park on Friday. She, again, went on the tire swing too long and came back to me all pastey looking. She sat down next to me and I played with her hair. Next thing I knew she fell asleep. Thank you Stephanie for taking the picture. Gwen is in my mei tai, Layla on my lap. How much sweeter can you get? I am in a really I love my girls mood. Not like I sometimes don't love them, but today has been a very nice day with them. Natalie was so extremely helpful in helping me clean, like she went above and beyond what I asked for. We danced long and hard to some good music till we all fell down panting and laughing. Though it is gray and dreary outside we have the sun in our house today.

Babywearing

Every good AP mamma has some sweet pictures of their baby wearing their babies. I have been wearing Gwen on my back a whole lot lately, like more than I had ever worn Layla liker that. The girls have changed from wrapping their babies in front to nurse them to this...I got the whole process yesterday. Th awesome thing, they are pretty experienced getting baby on their backs. For those of you who have not babyworn, getting the baby back there is pretty scary the first few times, and gets even scarier when your baby starts to roll. It is always best to use a spotter, see my responsible babywearers? Of course I have never seen mammas use each others bodies to hold the baby there while picking up the carrier...

They are using their gypsy belt here for their carrier. I guess you could liken it to a podegi. Not quite, but you know what ever you can use, safely at least...

Concentrate hard and make sure your straps are tied securely...

I love the way she tied it though. Recently we went to a babywearing meeting. Kelly had tied the mei tai like that, in front though on the babies back, for back support. But I guess Layla thought that it would work well like this also. And baby stayed in for a good little bit. Word of advice though, don't do spins while babywearing. Falling on your back with your baby back there, not a good idea.

Uhh, forgot something

I am silly, kay? I forgot to tell you what the hat was in the previous post. My Grandmother, so the girls Great Grandma made each of the girls hats to wear as a coming home outfit. They are made out of a hankie, and she does the lace around them. Then she sews them up in a way to make a bonnet and send them in a nice box with a little saying type thing. Pretty much when they get married it will be their something old. Something from their birth that they can carry with them on their wedding day. It is totally sweet and one thing that I really love. Something that was made just for them from their Great Grandma. We have a picture of Natalie wearing hers, and yes that is the dress I made that I used the wrong yarn and it finally fit her at a year, so much for following a pattern, eh?

and this is a picture of Layla wearing hers.

We will try to not notice that the first two had their pictures taken at the hospital and the third child didn't get it done till she was 5 months:) If she wasn't so big/sitting up/smiling/ many other things maybe we could just do a slight untruth, as it is we will say that it was a downside of having a homebirth, we never had a time where we took her home and there were pictures to be taken in a special outfit. She got to put on her special tie dye and made by Stephanie longies right away. Maybe I will save the blue shirt and it can be her something blue...

Unicorn

HAHA!!! You will not get a picture of the side of my head!!! Myu evil plan is to make sure that everyone thinks you are crazy when you tell them I have a horn!! Bwhahahaha!!! Okay that is what it felt like. It took about 20 pictures and this one kinda summed it up, a blurry Gwen as I tried to get the side of her while she wanted to face the camera. Talk about Mommy acrobactics!!!

By leaning over snapping fingers and making lots of noise, I finally got this. This is what happens when Gwen's hair gets wet. It will stay down if her hair hasn't gotten wet for a few days, but then this happens and no amount of water, in fact it makes it worse, gets rid of it. And you know, I was wondering why I wanted the unicorn mei tai, baby carrier for those of you who don't know, it just reminded me of her. And I also couldn't quite figure out why I was thinking of a unicorn tattoo for her either. Mystery solved

OH my so much!!!

My sweet little angel. There was a better picture of this but umm, she had fallen asleep after nursing and it is actually really hard to take a picture with the baby in your lap. And the better one has a bit of nipple in it. I thought ya'll might just want the next to better one and not see the nipple.

Okay, and see, we are really behind on like everything. Jack just today got around to getting things going to get Gwen's birth cert. This was what Gwen was supposed to wear when she came home. It was actually with my birth stuff, but I guess things get a little confusing when you give birth and an hour later actually go to bed. And then you are made to pretty much stay in bed. You kinda forget things you were supposed to do. So Gwen did wear it while Heather came over and helped me clean. I was feeling really guilty over it. So she was like, get your camera NOW!!! We will take care of it so you can put it in your memory box. You will get your picture. So here it is. Yeah, Gwen is happy, I am glad we did it now cuz it almost doesn't fit her. Such a happy baby, eh?

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Sparks flying from Jack's butt, do I have to say more? Okay, maybe just a little more, THANK YOU!!!! to Heather and family and friends who came over to help us. Okay, Matt helped a little, you see him there, cheering Charlie on?? I was trying to get a picture of Heather, big Natalie, Matt and Charlie standing on the log all holding each other while Jack tried to screw in the rebar thingie. It was quite a sight, close your eyes and think of it. The trust they have in Jack, it's amazing...

And this is why you don't kill spiders. We just washed and brushed many webs from our front porch, but one morning, yesterday?, I went out and found this. Umm, good luck trying to count how many bugs are on there. There are quite a few that smooshed together. Kinda neat though, eh? Not like they would have all gotten in our house, but spiders are cool.

And if you haven't figured out, my keyboard got here today, happy dance, look at this 567, I have numbers!!!! Now I just need to go out and get a spill cover so it doesn't happen again. Oh so happy, will have a few more pictures in a little bit.

Gremlins

Okay, not giving up, but has anyone noticed that a to do list around the house is like a gremlin? Okay, those of a younger generation may not remember, geez I am having a hard time remembering the rules, don't feed them after midnight, ummm, when else do Jack and I have time to sit down and talk about what needs to be done?, don't get them wet, obviously impossible since Gwen is the amazing paper eater. And don't allow near bright light, I think that was it. Hmm, bright light... hmmm, well our house isn't exactly bright, but I think it is bright enough. The to do list from hell seems to multiply every time we talk about it. Jack did get two whole days of getting to work around here. Matt has been here since Saturday working. Heather and family came over to help also. Without family and friends I would need to be on serious drugs to keep me sane. Who am I kidding, me? Sane? Not a word I use to usually describe myself... But work is getting done and I can almost see an end in sight, almost.
But for other more exciting news. Ya'll should see Gwen go. She is getting up on her hands and knees every once in awhile to rock and sometimes crawl. She can sit while propping herself with her hands, and she has a love of power cords. You can imagine the fun I have sitting here on the floor typing on the laptop, Jack's that needs to be constantly plugged in, keeping her away from the power cord. She does have toys I swear. But for some reason, like the mysterious way that cats gravitate towards string, Gwen goes for all things plugged into electrical outlets...
Layla is, well, Layla. She amazes me also. She is starting to look like such a little girl. I think that part of it is the hair that is finally growing on her head, and the losing of baby chub. Okay, also there is the fact that she talks better than Natalie sometimes. She comes up with these amazing stories, that she acts out while narrating. It is just so sweet. And probably the biggest reason, is that when I see her doing these things it makes me want to sweep her up into my arms and squeeze her tightly, I guess trying to hold the baby from going away, and more often than not she squirms to get out of my arms to go play.
And Natalie. Ugg, out of all of this I feel the worst about Natalie. She needs my attention more than any of them right now. She is in uncertain times. She is having nightmares, and is really picking up on the stress in this house. And she doesn't understand it. She knows we liked Hawaii, she does not like it here, she told me that she was ready to go once we saw her first snow. She gets upset that the weather says that it isn't going to rain and then does rain. Our park day on Friday got rained on. And then there is the homeschool part of it. She is going through one of her step backs before she makes a jump. Natalie has always been like this. And every time she does one of her step backs it scares the crap out of me thinking that I have failed to teach her basics. She was writing her letters so well. We have been putting them together has words. And now she has stopped being able to write nicely. In fact she is making her letters backwards, upside down and everything. But just a few days ago a conversation we had,
Natalie, "Bark, bark starts with R doesn't it?"
me, "Well, there is an R in bark, but let's sound out the word to see what it starts with, b a r k, so a b sound, what makes the b sound again?
Natalie. "B makes the b sound"
And we went through many other words. Some she needed more examples, like T, hmm, tree also makes a t sound, tires, train, but she gets it now. She gets that those letters make sounds and those sounds make words. Really this is an amazing thing. To see her mind working. I want to work with her more, she really has a short attention span, so we can have a conversation like that one for about ten minutes and then it is over. We can do that a few times a day, but then it is me finding time to have these conversations with her. I have to stop myself from becoming impatient with her to read. I know that most people I have talked to say that unschoolers usually start reading at 8. And we are taking it slow. I would much rather hear her stories and see her imagination grow. And see her amazing abilities to remember the oddest things. Umm, I think it was in December when we talked about different religions, you know to explain why some people celebrate Christmas, some Hanukkah...We talked about a few and just yesterday she came down with one of her time life books, it had a picture of Vishnu in it. And she asks me, "Is he a god just like Kali Ma?" So we ended up talking about Hindu gods and goddesses for awhile again. I am sure that people think we are odd for adding this to our homeschooling, but it was what Natalie was interested in. Talking about religion and her love of Indian food, well, we ended up talking about Indian religion:)
Okay, this was long, but I feel like I haven't been able to keep in touch with anyone and this way I can write all this at once and everyone can read it.
Oh and by the way, I get the new keyboard on Thursday, so pictures on Thursday!!!! YEA!!!