Now that I got the whole picture thing out of the way, on to some rambling...you can stop here if you want. I have just been thinking about a lot of things lately, insomnia and a cold will do that to you. One thing was that while we were getting our house painted the painter said something to me the last day he was here. He said something about not realizing how busy a stay at home mom could be. The thing is, I was taking it easy as we just found out that we may not be moving. I was just playing with the kids, fixing meals and to be honest, taking a break knitting. Seriously, taking it easy, considering the hell that I was going though the the previous weeks. But it got me to thinking that what we feel, as stay at home moms, as getting nothing done during the day isn't what other people see. Okay, some people do see that we do nothing. Other people who have actually seen what we do see that we are actually working all day long, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Our job doesn't stop, we get no vacations, no breaks. Of course, we don't really see it this way, and feel guilty for that hour of knitting we did instead of doing the dishes. How dare we, right? So something for those sahm to think about.
And breaking news, Gwen is saying dadadade, and some gagegage, and one that we swear sounds like hi and another that so sounds like Layla. Okay, we know not so possible, but it is really cute. I am really glad that she started saying dade before Jack went out to sea. That makes me happy.
Oh there was more. I have been reading and rereading some of John Holt's books. Really, everyone should be reading these books, especially, How Children Learn. Like as soon as your child hits one, these books should be read. It really has changed my thoughts on how we treat kids and lead to my wanting to unschool the girls. I just wish I had read them earlier. I kinda get off track every so often, start doubting my way of doing things with the girls and I can read those books and realize that to think of doing it any other way fills me with such guilt. I was looking through so see if there was anything that I could pick out and write here to give you an idea, and there is just too many pages that are marked:) But to summarize, he talks a lot about what children actually learn in school is strategies, to not learn. They learn how to read their teachers and just do just what is needed, how to talk around their teachers so that they will think they are giving the right answer. Why does this bug me so much? Because THIS is what I learned. I know it, we used to call it bullshitting. We were great at it, we thought we were so smart. I used to be the one writing messy so that the teacher would see what they wanted and grade my paper that way. Is this really what I want my kid to learn? I have heard some people say things like, do this and you can do this, what does that teach but to get the icky stuff out of the way, we pretty much are saying, hey this means nothing, but you gotta do it, and then the fun stuff, that is what matters. Makes me wonder what a difference our lives would be if we saw the value of everything we did. It has actually changed my whole thought process on rewards and such. How many times have I rewarded myself with some chore by doing something for myself? All I am doing is reinforcing the idea that the chore is meaningless and boring and to get through it I must have something at the end to reward me, oh god save me from my life cuz that is what my life is now, chores!!! That is, if that is the way I want to look at it. So slowly, I am trying to get away from the whole rewards thing. Yeah, this is long and I think I would actually like to write more, but Gwen is sleeping on me, the girls are reading books and I am going to knit until Gwen wakes up. Not as a reward, but because it is a quiet activity that I can do while she is sleeping before she wakes up and we make a game out of doing the dishes and folding laundry. We WILL HAVE FUN TODAY!!!
4 comments:
Have you read Unconditional Parenting? One of the points that jumped out to me the most in it was about rewards. Rewards encourage doing things for EXTRINSIC reasons, but shouldn't we want our children to make good choices based on intrinsic ones?
Another fabulous book that cemented my thoughts on homeschooling was Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling by John Taylor Gatto. You know, with all my current confusion as to my thoughts on complete unschooling for Cailyn, i really need to read some of these books again.
yeah, I have thought about reading both of those, but it kinda scares me. Which means I need to read them. I always like the whole positive reinforcement. But I guess I was wrong and to read those books is just going to make me realize how wrong I was. Oh well, right? I should have figured it out long time ago when trying the whole potty training with Natalie that no type of reward actually did it, she had to do it for herself. And really, that is what I want. Who cares if what they are doing makes me happy? I want them to be happy.
I need to read that book because I need to figure out how to help Scott learn. I try to intigrate learning into our playtime (counting, colors, alphabet) but he's just having the hardest time grasping it. I can see it right on the edge of his mind, but for some reason when I start to explain or use numbers he just closes down and refuses. After three months I've finally gotten him to count to five and I know there's a better way. I need to figure out which way works for him because I don't want to pressure him into it. Suddenly I just stopped caring and let him do what he wanted with the potty and once the pressure was off he did great. He sleeps in a pull up and every once in a while he'll go in his underwear, but he's been doing well lately. I wonder if that's how to teach him, just not care...lol.
As for the SAH stuff, phew! Chris never realized how much I do. Now that he's home almost all the time he sees that I rarely sit down and while it seems like nothing is ever done I never really stop.
So, what's going on with the move? You're not coming to Hawaii now? You should go to Norfolk, VA so we can visit. ;)
Norfolk? No thank you:) Actually the chances of Jack going there are slim, they are mostly surface ships. Jack said that his cob told him he would talk to his detailer tomorrow. And he is going to tell him that either jack goes to Pearl, where we wouldn't mind moving, or Jack stays here. We would extend to go to Hawaii, but we are getting out in 2 years 5 months if not. As of right now the detailer is writing Jack orders to go to San Diego and pretty much is figuring that we are re enlisting to do so. Which we aren't. So let's hope. Though sometimes you just have to wonder. Natalie reminded me that she thinks we are going to live in California one day. And then as I looked at our USAA calander for October, and it is a picture of the Topeka, which is what Jack would be assigned to in San Deigo, is it a sign? I told him that last night and he said that that doesn't sound good. We are so supersticious, eh? lol. Hopefully we just find out soon and if we do have to go have to go we sel our house quickly.
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