Giving up?

Okay, for those who don't know, still no pictures. I can't even do old pictures because of a water incident on my laptop. Jack doesn't have a thing to get pictures on his, and I don't want to put them on his laptop anyway. I would like all of our pictures in the same place. So, ya'll get to hear me bitch. Ready?
I want to give up. It was a post on a message board not that long ago, asking how military moms do it. The answer was usually something like, you have no choice, you just do it. Some of us have it easier than others, like I would never compare my military experience to my friend Monica. To have my husband gone for so long, to give birth while Jack was gone...everything she has had to do. I so look up to her and her strength. I know we are only given what we can handle. But something else has been going through my head lately. So geeky here, but just listen. Jack got me into d&d, an d sometimes he would throw things at us that were way above what we could handle. He said sometimes I want to see if you are smart enough to run. This totally goes against all that I believe and maybe it is a military thing, whatever gets thrown at you, you do it, no questions asked. So, right now I have been starting my day with totally cleaning the house. It is supposed to be on the market on Tuesday. I am trying to get three years of work done in a week. Jack can't help me. We found out that friends coming over with kids doesn't work so well. So it is me, with three kids trying to get all this done while homeschooling, making sure they are fed and trying to give them activities so they don't beat the crap out of each other. And today, after pretty much making the upstairs look better than it ever has, I am burned out. I can't do it anymore. The thought of all of this has gotten me so down that I feel sick. I have to thank my brother though, he just got stationed here. He has been working out in the yard and helping me with the kids a lot. I now know what it is to have family to help. This is a totally new experience for me. But today will probably be the last day he gets to help because his boat is pulling in. And then it is just me again. And what happens if I give up? We probably wouldn't be able to sell the house, we wouldn't be ready to pack and move, and we would lose a lot of money, money we can't afford, who can?, to lose. So, umm, I don't have a choice, do I? I keep trying to think that this is one of those things that is crazy while it is happening but it all works out in the end, with me not losing my sanity at the end. I keep trying to tell myself that that is what this is. But I am having a hard time since there are things I CANNOT do with three kids, more like I cannot do with a five month old. So there, my bitching. Maybe now I will get off my ass and get stuff done and in four, five, six months when this adventure is over I can pat myself on the back and say I did it, it is either that or I will be banging my head against a white padded wall.

Aren't they cute?

As I take a break, I get many breaks since Gwen needs to sit and nurse, from cleaning the house I wanted to share this picture. It is from the faire. We were watching The Forgotten Celts, and it was raining. The cool thing, out of all their songs we only didn't know two. There is something about watching a five year old singing Irish folk music. So we were all sitting in the rain, singing and I turn to look at Jack, he was cuddled so sweetly with Layla. So I took a picture. We are trying really hard to just see all the good things now. It is looking pretty sure that we will be going to Hawaii. I know a few posts back I wrote "I hope that someday, somehow, we get to go back" BUT his work schedule is going to be so crazy. The last day of the faire, sopping rain and cold, but we went anyays cuz we have to learn to make the best out of what we are given and to have fun while we are doing it. We are given lessons and tests all the time, I guess we failed our test in Hawaii and we are being sent back:) Lets hope we get it right this time.

The Faire, again

Hmmm, men in kilts playing good music. What could be better? Well, if it hadn't rained the last day, and the only day we got to go...It may have been a little better. Last year it was HOT, dry and dusty.

Anyway, The Rogues, which can actually be found here http://www.therogues.com/ Good music. Natalie asked if she could go dance. It was just a bunch of belly dancers, but Natalie got some other kids up there and then some moms. That is my Natalie. Sometimes she does act a little shy but when it is something she wants she does it. Layla got up there for a little while also.

Another example, she actually acted in a play. She was an angel. How cute is she? She did very well since I think most of the other kids were over 10. I am proud of her.

And again, my computer is messing up. I had more pictures, I will have too add them later. There was a scary point to our day. When I say it rained, it rained, like poured from the sky. We took cover in a church. When I looked to see behind Jack, Natalie wasn't with us. Jack went back out in the rain and found her. She had went to look for us but then couldn't find us. We had talked about it before, she stayed in one place after that. She was scared though, I was too. All in all, awesome day. I am going to miss Ren Faires. I didn't see any in Hawaii:( But we will live and maybe we will just get costumes ready for the next time we get to go.

Scoots

Is it wrong that my four month old is scooting? I would take pictures, but my new excuse is that my camera doesn't have batteries. Yeah, Jack took them out to put in the old mouse to get the pictures off our old computer. You know, when you want to take a picture and you have to go and get batteries...Yeah, we haven't used our camera in awhile now.
Anyway, she scoots. She rolls. She is TOO young:( She isn't moving far, but it is far enough to make me realize that if she sees something she really wants, she can get it. Which means I need to clean my house. Which means I shouldn't be on here procrastinating writing about how my baby can move. But family needs to know, right? C'mon say yes, so I have a real excuse to be on here updating friends and family that my baby is amazing. If I had pictures it would take longer and it would be more believable, wouldn't it? Damn though, that would mean getting off my butt to get the batteries. Okay, close your eyes, here is your picture. Gwen is in a tie dyed dress, big surprise there, eh? And a white flat, no cover. She is currently going for Layla's shoe, it is a white, well used to be white, tennis shoe. Layla is sitting next to her eating Natalie's cereal, and Natalie is going through a pile o'junk that I went through yesterday. Layla, of course, is in yellow, orange and pink, does she wear any other colors? And Natalie in brown and mauvey like skirt. I am starting to realize that if you have seen my daughters at all, you could form a picture of them on any given day and probably know what they are wearing. Okay, Gwen is sans diaper now and going after Layla's cereal that used to be Natalie's cereal. Layla already ate her cereal.
Oh and by the way, this is the rambling that comes from not having orders. My brain is mush and I can't seem to get anything done. I need purpose. I need to know what is going on. HELP!!!
I wish I could call the detailler.

Little me

You know, everyone says that Natalie looks just like me. I can see it sometimes, but more to me, she looks like Jack. But I can never get over the fact that I was blond as a child, and Natalie has a head of gorgeous brown hair. I am the short, skinny blond in the middle. The others are my bestest friend Sarah and her brothers. The irony, we were feeding the ducks. Yep, so the post under this one...well, yeah, obviously at 6 I didn't quite know. I am guessing I was six also, I have lost my front tooth and that usually happens around that time. Who knows, maybe Layla or Gwen will end up looking like me, but Natalie? I just don't see it.
Thank you Sarah, because I am almost positive that you are the one who sent this to me.

More pictures another time

I am really sorry that I haven't been able to get more pictures up here lately. Especially current pictures. I have big news though. Jack made chief. So the next 6 weeks will be tough. There is also a chance for a move. This is good/bad news. How many things are just good news anyways? Our house isn't ready to sell is a big one. So that would not be so great. I have a great support group here also. I LOVE my mom's group here. But anyway, Jack isn't so happy about it, and while I am not happy that he isn't happy, don't tell him this, I am kinda happy. Not that he made chief, but kinda. It is nice that someone else, well a whole board of someone elses, thinks as much of my husband as I do. It is nice for him to be recognized for the work that he has put in. So in that way, I am very happy, for the changes it means for all of us...I am not sure yet.

Feeding animals

There is an article in our local newspaper, no I don't get the paper. I read it online to save trees:)
Anyway, the article is about the local geese. See, in a neighborhood some people got upset that there were so many geese hanging out. So they called people in to dispose of the geese. The people were outraged. It is mentioned that it was the local wildlife group that does this and they are allowed to dispose of so many geese a year. You can read the article here, http://kitsapsun.com/news/2007/aug/05/in-tracyton-removal-of-geese-ruffles-the-of-some/
Yes, you have to register, worth it though. My problem with this article is that these people are outraged that someone took their geese from them. Are they their geese though? No.

I know some of you looked at me really funny when I said we don't feed ducks. We also don't feed squirrels, birds, or pretty much anything. There are many reasons we do this. One is that we knew people that fed stray cats and then moved, and then they leave the cat. We inherited one such cat in Georgia. The cat has stopped hunting because it has a ready supply of food. And then either goes to the shelter or well many scenarios, but none of them nice. There is a huge deer overpopulation because people feed them. http://www.wildlife.state.nh.us/Newsroom/News_2004/News_2004_Q4/Donot_Feed_Deer_121704.htm
and there is this one, http://www.boston.com/news/local/new_hampshire/articles/2006/02/20/people_feed_deer_in_winter_but_biologists_say_its_harmful/
I have seen the sickness here. It is gross and horrible that people don't even think that they are the cause of it. I remember a long time ago, Jack and I went to a park to eat dinner outside. We were at a picnic table eating when deer just started appearing. We just sat there, talking quietly to not disturb and watched the magical deer surround us. It was peaceful and kinda amazing. And then another family came by. They started to feed the deer, french fries of course. You know, that is very healthy. And then another car stopped and another car stopped, all throwing food out their windows. Most of it junk. Jack stood up on the table and started stomping his feet and yelling. All the deer went away. People yelled at him. He told them that they shouldn't feed the deer, hell there were signs all over saying the same thing. But people got mad anyway and they drove off. Not like I think it made any difference, but maybe some of those people will think about that crazy guy the next time they start throwing food at wild animals. That is what they are, wild. Why do we want to change that? We already have more animals that we can take care of. The dog and cat overpopulation problem is huge. But back to the wild animals, because I could go on about dogs and cats for a long time also.
When you feed a wild animal, you change their life. Birds start to not migrate as they are supposed to. There are more animals. You know, that is what we need, more animals. We have already taken the homes of so many animals with building houses and businesses that we need more animals to occupy the small areas they have left. This is what happens when we start to care for them. As with the geese, they all flock to an area where life is easy. Too easy. They start to become less afraid of humans. They look upon us as a food source. They damage our property, they have sometimes attacked us. And so then we have to dispose of them. Animals are not our responsibility. But it is also not our place, or right, to say who lives and dies. We have caused such a problem that there really is no easy way. Stop feeding animals, stop taking their homes, let them live their lives, respect their awesome power...We think about the wild animals that have gone nuts. How did it happen? Oh my, I mean they used to come here all the time and graze peacefully on french fries. And then one day a deer trampled someone. http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=1258792