spring

Yeah yeah, been awhile.
No pictures now. I will get there no worries.
I had to post because since last night I have seen an awakening of what seems to be the whole world. I have been hearing yes we can! so much that I believe it. I actually believe it. I was excited about this election. But what is going on now? This is past excitement. I feel change. I feel like spring is here after a long winter. I can look outside at the falling leaves and for the first time since living here I don't feel the death of life. I see beautiful colors. I see CHANGE. I see it only getting better.
HOPE
It is an amazing thing. It isn't just the election. Our lives are changing also. I see things getting better. I have been in a dark place for the past year, a hole that I have been digging since we moved here and I feel like I am crawling out of my hole now. I feel better. Damn I am happy. Happy. So happy that just writing this I have tears in my eyes.

berry picking

First cute nakey Gwen!!!




We left at a bad time. It was quite a drive and by the time we got up there we all needed to eat. We saw Gwennie's and figured that we had to eat there. Umm, it wasn't all the great and Jack ended up sick from his crab sandwich. I swear he is allergic to crab. He swears that he eats crab all the time on the boat. But every time I see him eat crab he gets sick.



Sweet picture of Gwen and Jack:)



Picking the dirt out of her toes



And Jack had the camera for the first part of the journey. I asked him to take pictures. He took pictures of my butt. I am not going to share those. I have more pictures that I will share soon.

need to change

my way of thinking.
I need to realize that the universe is not out to get me. I need to realize that things happen whether you are a good person or a bad person. You are defined by how you handle bad times. I remember thinking about it years ago when I thought things were bad, ha!, how you handle the bad times determines how your good times are. I have not been handling things well. I am feeling like things are very unfair right now. Not just fr me. I feel like there are too many bad things happening to good people. It makes me want to cry, to make things better for them. But also I need them to be better for me too. I can't do it all.
So I need to change my thinking. It really helps that i talked to a friend today that holds similar beliefs. It really really helped. I need to have faith. I need to realize this is a bump. Who knows how long this bump will last, but it is a bump. Bumps go away. There will be more bumps, I am sure, but they also will go away. There will be times between the bad just like there are times between the good. Would I prefer not to have good or bad? No. We are reading A Wrinkle in Time, yes still. And they are facing the man with red eyes right now. He says something about becoming one with him, never having to feel bad anymore, never being sick, everything being perfect. Never having to worry again. And for a second I thought oh wow that would just be nice right now. I almost gave into that feeling. The feeling that life wasn't worth it. But then I thought no, it isn't life, life is not perfect, life is not free from worry. You need these bumps to appreciate the good times. Bumps have their place. I feel like I am repeating myself and not really going anywhere with this post.

and to close, there is something completely and wonderfully sweet and innocent about dirty toddler feet. No, they did not get this dirty at my house. I do vacuum more often than that. She collected dirt everywhere we went today. Somewhere around 2 the dirtiness stops being so cute. I am going to try and enjoy the sweetness of these feet before they turn into sweaty stinky dirty toddler toes laugh

overwhelmed

But first some pictures...

A very sweet picture of Gwen and Grandma:)



Gwen loving on Roland. It is actually almost weird how much she loves him. I am not sure I have seen a toddler love on a baby like this. She insists on hugging him and giving him love.


and sweet picture of Gwen running wild after I cleaned. The girls always run back and forth after I clean :)





I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed right now. I have some downtime, thank you rainy nasty weather Washington. I so hate this place!!!
But thanks to the rainy weather I have time to think about how much all of this sucks. I am not going to go into all of it. I guess I feel like running away from it right now, which is why I am not liking that I have to think about these things. I am totally losing patience with many things though. I am sure once it gets sunny again and I can cram my days with things I will feel better, but it also makes me dread the coming of fall/winter. Makes me wonder if I will be able to handle it this year.

and the still more I promised two or more days ago...

Yes they are bad photos, try walking backwards down a hill, especially if you are as clumsy as I, and taking pictures of 4 people who are also moving...
Anyway, made me, yes made me, realize and admit that Gwen is actually more stubborn than Layla. At this age Layla still loved her wrap, really until she was 2 going on 3 she loved her wrap. You see what is over Jack's shoulder? Gwen's wrap. She insisted on walking. When we go to the store I have a hard time convincing her to stay wrapped up.
And here you can see that she really doesn't care what everyone else is doing, she does her own thing. She was walking, walking and then decided to turn around and go back:)
I love her, I really do. I worry though sometimes what she is going to be like when she gets older. I am very glad though that my girls all seem t have a sort of inner strength, hey I am trying to look on the bright side...

And one final note, I have to comment on how sweet and cuddly this girl is. At night when she wakes up to nurse she insists on giving me a hug first. I will switch sides and she will lift her littles arms around my neck and pull me down to her. She likes to cuddle. I know more than one of my friends has seen evidence of this. She doesn't just like to cuddle me:)

more

Okay, you really can't tell, this is a booby ball. It is my friend's. You may not be able to tell but she is twiddling the nipple. I am thinking I may have to knit myself one for her to play with while she is nursing...



Natalie trying to pee Gwen. So cute, Gwen thought it was hilarious


And these pictures will be split up. We went to a park/garden/beach yesterday. I will write more about it in the next post. But cute Gwen


An you know, sometimes Natalie looks so old to me. Here she looks all lanky. She is getting so big! And is so Natalie. When I see this picture I end up sighing. She really isn't my little girl anymore. I think I need to stop saying that when she gets to 3/4 my height, which she is at now...She will always be my little girl, but you know? It is just one of those things. And yes, I am babbling because I really just don't know about this.

there is NO excuse

It has been what three weeks? We have been busy, and I keep forgetting my sd card. I remember the camera but I get to places an find I can't take pictures anyway. I will do a few posts though

Don't worry this was empty, kinda cute though, eh?


Isn't this sweet? This is Gwen's second mommy. She really goes over to her to take a nap at the park:) She nurses for a little while then crawls over and falls asleep. We may have to deal with some jealousy issues when she has her baby lol!


gwen kinda insists on going outside with Huck. She also thinks she can hold his leash. Well Jack came home one night and he took Gwen out with him. And then the girls go rushing out in their pjs to dance in the moonlight. Okay it was like 9 pm, the moon was out, but there was still plenty of sunlight out. I have to say that they are very good moonlight dancers:)


And I have to say we have an awesome oggie who is really great about a 1 yr old holding his leash